Halloween Madness! 10-10 to 10-31

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Happy Halloween everyone, its been about two weeks since I’ve posted. I should have mentioned in my first post that this was going to be a semi-monthly blog. Now that that is settled, on to the good stuff!

Rewinding back to before I started T, there was a very VERY important discussion I had with my wife. We were cuddling in bed after just having an argument. It was so petty that I cannot even remember what it was about. Anyways, we talked about the possible outcomes of Testosterone. I told her point blank that there was going to be days and times when I may just be mad or upset for no apparent reason. That I may have mood swing that could give her whiplash. She’s no stranger to the FTM transition process, one of her closest friends (that she sees as a brother) is a transman. Having that knowledge beforehand has been great, but until I spoke out loud about behaviorism’s changing she didn’t think about how I was going to have those emotional changes.  Without that conversation, we would have had a ton of fights over the last two months. So, your thinking okay Trent, you had this conversation so what? Well, if your in a relationship with someone pre- and post- transition and really in life, communication about everything going on is an absolutely necessary. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been on T, your chemicals are fighting a war over dominance. This causes a lot of unrest within the ways your body deals with different situations. Talk about what your feeling or not feeling. Personally, its been hard for my girl in regards to what I’m not feeling since I’m typically a very emotional person(or was until about a month ago.)

So now here I am, week 8 going into week 9. I have another three weeks before seeing Dr. Maddie of the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. My experience with her has not been unpleasant, she is effective and diligent. Really is a good thing for me since I like to be in and out without the hassle of idle chit chat. I’ve heard negative things about her, but honestly I feel like there are pro’s and con’s of every doctor. She’s “meeting my needs” right now. For me that is good enough.

So, the last week has been my “off” week from the gym. Will be going back tomorrow. I’m loving High Intensity Interval Training. It keeps me motivated and prevents me from getting bored. Also, that insane stretching has led to me growing about half an inch. It makes sense, all of my family has continued to grow until they turned 25. One of the negatives, is that my occasional grey hairs are starting to become a bit of a pain. All the males in my family on my fathers side have had salt and pepper long before they turned 30.

Assuming you have not read my latest post in my personal blog, then the emotional portion shall be touched upon first. As of the last three weeks, I’ve found myself plagued with frustration and sexual tension. Its funny and aggravating. There are times when the smallest of things happens and I’m set off like a rocket with an explosive disposition. Then when the anger is gone, the need and tension sets in at an alarming rate. I sometimes feel like a rabbit in the spring.

Mentally, it seems like my logic is changing. More and more topics are beginning to seem black and white whereas before things could be gray and not matter one bit to me. My stances are even becoming a bit aggressive regarding my point of view. Definitely something that I plan on monitoring.

Physically, as stated before, I’ve grown half an inch. I’ve lost weight. I’ve noticed a slight change in my facial appearance. Sex drive has gone through the roof, and my hair color seems to be changing, almost lighter as if exposed to sun for long periods of time(which is funny since I’m inside most of the day!).

All in all, everything is changing!    haha understatement of the century

Talk to you in two weeks! If you have any specific questions, please feel free to leave it in the comments section or send me a private message.

Till next time,

Mr. Trent

Starting Fresh 09-06 to 10-10, 2012

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A few items to cover first. I know many might be appalled by the Frankenstein head. Here is the thing, wrapping your mind around being transgender is really a mind fuck. Now, society only see’s the “gender – benders” or the “tranny’s” most people see us (ftms – mtfs or any non-conforming individuals) as “freaks.” Personally, I want to shatter that illusion. I want to go stealth then come out and say “This is me. I’m not different then the next guy. Well, except I believe in hygiene and sanitation. But i’m still just another guy despite what sits below my belt.” I’m embracing myself for who I am. Not for what society see’s me as, in fact Frankenstein fits perfectly. If you’ve ever read the novel by Shelly, then you’d know he was a gentle man. A misunderstood man that looked different then the “norm” and was instantly hated because of that. All he wanted was love and support. If that shouldn’t be this pages mascot then I really don’t know what does. Anyway, onto the show…

This is officially post number 1 following my changes and experiences as a transman.

On September 06, 2012 I had my first injection (.25 ml) of T.

(*note, I’ll go over some basic terms I use frequently in a bit)

The first 24 hours found me with an anxious restless feeling that did not go away until week 2. Oddly enough this was also when my period decided to visit. For those of you with little to know knowledge on how Testosterone works, it is not a cure-all. In fact it is the opposite starting out. It was slightly distressing and annoying. However, my period only lasted for three days (which is unheard of for me). Since then I have not had it, but there is always a chance of receiving it.

After week 2 I started going to the gym. I’ve been making an attempt to go every day. I’ve refrained from weights, and will continue to only do cardio until my heart is in good condition. I’ve all but cut out grain from my diet and am eating a ton of fruits and veggies. I will not lie, it has been a challenge. I’ve lost about 14 pds since my T-day.

Also, since September, my little guy down there has grown remarkably fast while my voice remains unchanged, my throat is beginning to feel raspy and dry.

Some new physical things I’m grappling with is this insane thirst. I’m drinking a ton of water but can’t seem to hydrate. On that same note, I find myself sweating all the time- from places I didn’t even think could sweat. Anyway, I’ve also found this need to stretch BIG TIME. Every few hours I feel my muscles cramping up. Not plesent when you work in public safety.

Oh yes! On week 3 I came out to my bosses. Well, formally anyway. None were shocked, and they all said to let them know how they can support me in my transition. Even verbally expressing their gratitude for my hard work. They told me that I can work for them as long as I want- they did not care that I was transitioning but had been extremely grateful for the advanced notice before I needed to “start shaving.”

Mentally through all of these changes, I find myself way more at ease. I feel content in a really indescribably way. Sometimes, I find that emotion has all but left me. (if that makes any sense). I haven’t been able to cry, just tear up a little. Anger, frustration, happiness, hornyness, and calm make up the bulk of my feelings these days.

Here are some terms I’ll be using frequently:

Transgender – Identifies someone who do not fit into the gender spectrum traditionally from birth.

T = Inject-able testosterone

T-day – Anniversary of my first injection

Transman- Transgendered male identified individual

FTM – Female – to – Male, see transgender or transman

Transition – In this sense used to describe the physical and mental “transition” through the use of hormones and eventual surgery

All in all everything has been running great with the support of my loving wife and amazing bosses. Until next time!