Febuary 1/2

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So, I’ve been going back and forth over what to post. Finally, I’ve decided to just start this and see where it goes. Lately, it seems like I can’t make up my mind on anything. I want one thing, but crave another? Not sure if that makes sense. For example, it would be like wanting a steak but craving a cheeseburger. My mind and body feel like they are constantly at odds with each other. I feel tense and just wound-up, mentally I want a night out on the town. To feel alive. Physically, physically I just want to masturbate and sleep. Not entirely sure how much of this is T induced and how much of it is burnout. I’m always working or cleaning, or just being a “responsible adult.” When half the time I want to go out and do something other then see a movie and get dinner. I feel… confined. Not in a bad way, just in a ‘I need to leave the house for some fresh air for a sec’ kind of way. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I love having a roof over my head, a full time steady job and having a supportive partner. I’m happy with my life the way it is. And this is where my distress come’s in. I’m happy mentally, emotionally, but physically not so much. So, this is where I’m thinking the T come’s in. I feel so much more physical. Like I mentioned, I feel wound-up. I need release, but masturbating isn’t doing it for me. The gym helps, and eating better has improved my well-being. However, I feel like I’m forcing my smiles and laughs. I feel like a caged animal.

Well, I’ll wrap it up here. Hopefully I will have more to mention in the next post.

-Mr. Trent